Tag Archive: Questions


See that kid? Yup that’s me. I was probably 7 years old in that pic. It was taken with my friend/cousin Natasha in Mighty Kids, the children’s ministry at Faith Landmarks.

Today, I had a moment of clarity wherein I realized you don’t have to say everything you think, fix everything that’s broke. You learn as you mature that the more adult thing to do, sometimes, is to leave things where they lay. You learn we don’t need to address everything, comment just because thoughts are in our heads, fix every broken pot or glass, you learn to hold your tongue and your peace.

I guess that’s a grown up thing….

see this chick? Yeah, that’s me now, or me six months ago.  Supposedly I’m an adult. At least I’m trying to act like one.

Here’s the dreaded beginning of relationship posts…… Gotta ‘love’ it.

WARNING:  sometimes my posts are like alcohol before noon, its just to early for that. I tend to be a polarizing personality, so either you’ll be completely offended by the statement above and leave my site or you’ll be intrigued to read on.

Infidelity & America, wow!

I’ve been pretty silent throughout the Tiger Woods ordeal, didn’t quite understand it when Clinton was doing his dirt, lets not forget my televangelist brothers and sisters who did the same, but now here’s Jesse James.

Jesse James, CEO of West Coast Choppers, has been in the press the past few days for apparent infidelity. I only comment now, as I woke up and read the tweet from the Washington Post that James is apparently entering rehab for ‘personal issues’.  When I read that I assumed he was there because he’s a “sex addict”. Now please understand, I’m not judging, just asking a question.

Why is it that America makes celebrity infidelity seem like an addiction problem,specifically a sex addict, whereas in people like you and me we’re just plain ole cheaters?

Now, I’m not coming at this with a blind eye, not at all! I was the girl who was in a relationship with a guy for almost 2yrs and he cheated, multiple times. Cheating is a real thing, but how do you define it?

I’ve heard people say the worst kind of cheating is the emotional kind, where your sharing emotions and not just a physical relationship. They’ve point blank said, sex is something you can get over, but sharing your dreams and emotions with someone your not with is worse. I don’t know how I feel about that.

So all in all,  here are my questions:

  1. How do you define cheating? Is it physical, emotional, or both?
  2. Is there a difference between a wandering eye and having a sex addiction?
  3. What does God say about this?

Answer away!

Just a note from my perspective

I believe the bible. I believe what  Jesus said, that when you look at someone with the wrong eyes you’ve committed adultery because its been done in your heart. I believe in a one man, one woman relationship. I believe in faithfulness. I believe that we should faithful to whom we are with as Christ has been faithful to use ( remember your supposed to love your wife/husband as Christ loved the church?)

* I didn’t post any female cheaters because I couldn’t think of any off the top of my head, not picking on guys, some of us ladies are worse. Also, I don’t drink, in case your wondering…. I like to post a little something provocative to scare away the religious folks.

“Why Me?”

One of the most loneliest places in the world is to feel ignored by those you feel or felt most connected with, the only ones your connected with.

Its been a long while since I’ve written, few weeks maybe but thats long for me.

One of my constant struggles in this new season of my life is feeling ignored or forgotten, by people in my life and sometimes by God. Now please, remember this one thing when reading my blog: God is big enough to handle my questioning heart.  So let me be honest here about what I mean:

I left one place and moved to another.

Now I’m almost 2 years on the other side of this thing and I still feel alone, not connected, by myself.

So instead of dwelling on ‘poor me’ and getting angry with people and refusing to work with them or make advances to be nice to them, I dwell on the eternal factor. Not the ‘why me’ of a victim mentality, but ‘why me’ as in what are you allowing me to learn through this.

I sit here today, a writter, encouraging you to ask the Lord ‘Why Me’ as in what can I learn from this.

Peace and chicken grease!

In The Pursuit of Happiness…

I’m sick of the sour puss christian face I make consistently.

So I decided that 2010 is a year of life, and I wouldn’t simply exist anymore, but live. I’m working on my plans of relocating, figuring out where God has destined for me to be. Pursuing the joyous path God has set apart for me.

So in the midst of that, I’ve come to a conclusion:

Our happiness isn’t necessarily what makes others happy

So I may be happy, moving away, starting over with my life. But other’s may not. Theyre maybe some folks who will be hurt by my pursuit of happiness and where I belong.

So where do we draw the line?

Whats that perfect median of my happiness and the happiness of others.

Am I to just move forward and trust over time things will be better?

Am I to accept that the hurt that others feel, may be God using me to shake them up alittle?

or am I to just stop – stop being selfish- and exist for others?

Another game of questions and answers

Its 11:21pm and I am sleepy.

When I’m sleepy, my ability to shut down my normal inhabitions is hard. So now I’m sleepy and honest.

Its been a rough day, somewhat of a rough week, but God is good.

and truthfully I refused to give Him that.

Well until I read LosWhits blog.

So here’s why God is good:

He’s good, because when I doubt Him – He doesn’t doubt me.

He’s good, because when I refuse Him – He welcomes me

He’s good, because when I’m hurt by Him and His inaction – I’m still His.

He doesn’t repay me with the lightening bolt I so deserve.

He welcomes me, loves me, cares for me, inspite of me.

so God is Good…

My heart was made bitter, and I was pained by the bite of grief: I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand.

sorry God

You can say your healed…

Walk like your healed…

Talk like it, move forward like it

But how do you know your truly healed?

What is the ‘test of healing?’

The test of healing is the moment where those who hurt you deeply are alotted room to move around your space

The result of this test lies in two things and two things only:

  1. Does the original pain come forth with its original intensity?
  2. How long does it take you to get over this encounter?

With that said, yesterday, I had a test of healing and failed miserably.

I was hurt, I own it, and now choose to move forward.

You can’t hold me now!

So I’m looking

I need to find a place to worship.

I’ve been in a struggle for a year with church’s, church leadership, pastors, and the true meaning of it all. True meaning behind why God called for a leader such as a pastor.

So now I’m on the hunt…. I’m on the hunt for a church, a body I can truly stand with, believe in, grow with, and be honest with.

So I’m looking.

and I’m not above going back to SC every sunday morning for church at H.I.M.

not above it

For some reason, today, I randomly thought about my dad. He’s not a topic that comes up very often, because I never got the chance to know him. So standing here today, at 22 years of age, in college, and working in ministry, I wonder….

I wonder would he be proud of me, his youngest child.

As his finale legacy – do I live up to all he stood for?

I hope so

Random thought, and I gaze into heaven hoping he’s gazing back at me.

Previous Post: and everything for a reason

First lesson of the new year:

When your spidey sense is gone, you just…….. be.

I’m not even sure what day it was, Saturday maybe Friday, not sure, check the previous post, but I’m resolved to simply trusting. Trusting God completely for my family.

Granddad took a spill and was rushed to the hospital and now on a Vent. I tweeted, and texted everyone I knew. I sat in shock. I threw on worship music. I waited. I played my guitar, stringing out some ‘tomlin’ and ‘the river’ by springsteen, I moved in and played quickly. I played and played, regretting my inability to know something was amiss in my family, especially sense I was up since 2:30 am and now it was 1pm. So I played a distorted A-chord, and played it again. And then came G, D, Am, before I knew it –  there was a familiar spirit tune coming out. All I could match to the music was, ” I will worship you’ and ” We lift you up, above all things.”

Sitting here now I realize the depth of such a simple lyric. Months ago, maybe even a year now I sent out a text to many friends declaring, “Give God your ‘All – things’, so He can take those ‘all – things’ and work them to our good and His greater purpose.” Rounding the fear and pain in my heart the other morning, I really can’t remember what day it was, I did nothing and could do nothing but give it ‘All’ to Him. I wonder what other ‘All – things’ He’s waiting on me to give up.

So I’ve learned: When the spidey sense is gone, you just be His. Give Him praise, wait, and trust that He’ll turn those  ‘all-things’ into Good things.

btw: Granddad did wake up. Not only did he wake up, but he made the nursing staff take the vent. Not only did he make them take the vent out, but he asked when he could get back home.

God is good!

Sometimes I feel as though I shouldn’t blog as often as I do because it will lessen the power of what I say, but I don’t care, heh.

There’s been alot of situations in my life that have been hurtful, things I’d regret, people I wished I never met, things that I could just take back.
I think we go through asking God why,we  regret, and then why again.

It was only a month ago I stood out on Belle Isle and was arguing with God. Cursing the fact that He’s planted me in Richmond, and wishing I could undo everything I’ve experienced here, specifically the relationship. I was angry because it felt as if there wasn’t anywhere I could go without memories of us or the past, when all I want to do is forget Him and everything we shared. I was again ready to go back to default and relocate to Newport News, after all I have family there, 2 friends, and a couple of good churches, what could be so wrong with that. So I stood on the dock, looking at the rapids we found so breathtaking that day in May, only by myself this time, in the rain on that dock, I got honest with him. Honest with God, honest about how I felt like I did something wrong and that’s why this happened. That I didn’t deserve happiness. That I’m shallow, and there’s no surface and thats why he got bored with me. wow! I was honest and I told him everything that’d crossed my mind in regards to this situation. The hurts of the gossip everyone had partook in about me, and it was all about me, me , me. why me.

After 9 months of asking God why, he finally decided to answer me. It was almost like God met me on the dock, at belle isle, and we were standing next to each other on the bridge he faced me to answer me, and I said no, I can’t hear it. After all the time I spent searching out the why of everything, not just that relationship, but everything, the church, the ministry, everything!  He finally was going to  answer me and I say no. Crazy huh? I was quick to be angry with God, as if I knew his heart, but wouldnt hear it. Sometimes we’d rather be mad, than wait.

Proverbs 22:2-8

2 God delights in concealing things;
scientists delight in discovering things.

3 Like the horizons for breadth and the ocean for depth,
the understanding of a good leader is broad and deep.

4-5 Remove impurities from the silver
and the silversmith can craft a fine chalice;
Remove the wicked from leadership
and authority will be credible and God-honoring.

6-7 Don’t work yourself into the spotlight;
don’t push your way into the place of prominence.
It’s better to be promoted to a place of honor
than face humiliation by being demoted.

8 Don’t jump to conclusions—there may be
a perfectly good explanation for what you just saw.