7860

Worship is simply love responding to love. – David Binion

What Makes You Worship?

I grew up singing the songs. Cuting my teeth on the padded chairs of the church, underneath the seats drawing, singing under my breath the latest Don Moen worship song, Clint Brown, Ron Kenoly, all of them. That’s how I knew worship. I knew worship to be the that thirty minute time frame before tithe where we sing songs, to whom I’m not sure, but we sing. I knew I was called to be a worship leader from a young age. I started joining my church youth group teams, and eventually started the worship team for my old college and career group. So as I led, I led us experimentally. I knew the sound, but had no direction. I knew there was somewhere to go, but didn’t know how to get there.

I can remember approaching our then worship leader, telling I knew God called me into worship, but I don’t know what to do. The response was simply join the choir, just because you think your called to be a worship leader doesn’t mean you sing up front automatically. He missed my heart, I didn’t want to sing up front, I just wanted to know where to go? What to do? What does God want from me if He is calling me into to worship?

So I joined the choir, singing on Sundays, Sunday Nights, Wednesday. I saw the politics, the control, doctrinal fights, and talents who were in no way living right. I saw everything, but worship. I simultaneously joined the church’s worship team b. Experienced rejection, as a team, because we threatened team b. I didn’t understand what there was so much confusion, as we all apparently were worshiping. If were worshiping what’s the problem. I got so fed up, offended, hurt,angry, that I quit. I quit leading worship, and I quit personally worshiping.

I cut God off, from the love He so deserved from me

I was so hurt… so hurt from not only the church politics I was now caught up in, but my past.  Hurt by the ‘cards’ dealt to me in life. Hurt by my dad. Hurt by my mom. Hurt by my step dad. Hurt. Betrayed by friends. Betrayed in relationships. The hurt turned from hurt, and wounds that would heal, into a spirit of bitterness. Bitterness toward God more than any one else. I always believed God was an all knowing, ever present, help in the time of need. But never understood why this loving God, didn’t love me enough to prevent my scars. Love me enough to stop those things which derailed my life. Here I was 20 years old, back in church, done with my former rebellion, and now bitter with God after serving Him and getting burned.

Thank God, He can handle our anger. Thank God, He can handle our bitterness. Thank God, He can handle our quickness to push Him, the lover of our souls, away.

tbc…

When I became embittered and my innermost being  was wounded,I was a fool and didn’t understand;I was an unthinking animal toward You.

Yet I am always with You;You hold my right hand.

Advertisements