The other night I was driving to rihop, and the song Great is your mercy came on. I immediately went to change it, ‘cos its just one of those song I can’t hear without weeping, and my cd player froze and wouldnt turn. So I was stuck listening to it.

I began to pester God with my child like questions….

I didn’t get how a dear friend could sing this at His son’s funeral, I didn’t get how we could called God merciful in this, how He could call Him kind in this, ‘cos after all in my humanistic point of view this wasn’t merciful or kind. I went inside sat before the Lord and I felt answer begin to unfold. Here’s alittle background on me. I don’t get death, I don’t get loss, I don’t like to talk about it. So sitting there questions God, ‘cos he can handle our questions, I asked how can I understand this? How can I understand your heart, in our grief? I sit hear writing this, after getting a phone call about a friend who lossed a family member this morning.  I sat there and for the first time ever I didn’t try and say anything to explain God and His infinite ways, I just grieved in my spirit for her, and with her.

I truely have come to understand, my thoughts are not His thoughts, nor are my ways His. Sounds so simplistic, but its complicated. See in loss I’ve come to know my limited knowledge of kingdom, and earth and existence is so puny in comparason to what it truely is.

This, Earth, is not where it end. And for the first time I get that.

Death, when your a believer, is not where it ends. And for the first time I get that.

There is nothing bigger or lower than my father, for He made it all.

So its not the end… not at all.

Its not the end for the cannon family… not the end for little isaac… not the end for Pfc. Jeremy Ehle, not the end for miss Diane… not the end for my dad… not the end.

We’ve tried to play christianity off for many years as this or that won’t touch you if you follow christ, you marriage won’t fall apart, you kids won’t leave God, your business will succeed, you won’t get sick, you won’t die, oh and you’ll get the bmw and if those things do happen your not a real christian. When the truth of the matter is the thing  only thing that won’t touch you ever is death, for in Him there is only life. And even in physical death, it is not the end. My heart and my flesh may fail, but He alone is my strength and my portion forever.

I’m glad we have hope.

I’m learning to take myself out of my own understanding of things,  the four walls that build reason, and feast on His goodness. The Lord is good!

We question why the wicked seem to succeed, we question why the just deal with trials and persecution, we get embittered, and judge the physical. And He never lets go! Thats what I loved about Him the most, His goodness never changes, even when I change.

When I became embittered
and my innermost being  was wounded,

I was a fool and didn’t understand;
I was an unthinking animal toward You.

Yet I am always with You;
You hold my right hand.

You guide me with Your counsel,
and afterwards You will take me up in glory.

Whom do I have in heaven but You?
And I desire nothing on earth but You.

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength  of my heart,
my portion forever.

But as for me, God’s presence is my good.
I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,
so I can tell about all You do.

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