Sometimes I feel as though I shouldn’t blog as often as I do because it will lessen the power of what I say, but I don’t care, heh.

There’s been alot of situations in my life that have been hurtful, things I’d regret, people I wished I never met, things that I could just take back.
I think we go through asking God why,we  regret, and then why again.

It was only a month ago I stood out on Belle Isle and was arguing with God. Cursing the fact that He’s planted me in Richmond, and wishing I could undo everything I’ve experienced here, specifically the relationship. I was angry because it felt as if there wasn’t anywhere I could go without memories of us or the past, when all I want to do is forget Him and everything we shared. I was again ready to go back to default and relocate to Newport News, after all I have family there, 2 friends, and a couple of good churches, what could be so wrong with that. So I stood on the dock, looking at the rapids we found so breathtaking that day in May, only by myself this time, in the rain on that dock, I got honest with him. Honest with God, honest about how I felt like I did something wrong and that’s why this happened. That I didn’t deserve happiness. That I’m shallow, and there’s no surface and thats why he got bored with me. wow! I was honest and I told him everything that’d crossed my mind in regards to this situation. The hurts of the gossip everyone had partook in about me, and it was all about me, me , me. why me.

After 9 months of asking God why, he finally decided to answer me. It was almost like God met me on the dock, at belle isle, and we were standing next to each other on the bridge he faced me to answer me, and I said no, I can’t hear it. After all the time I spent searching out the why of everything, not just that relationship, but everything, the church, the ministry, everything!  He finally was going to  answer me and I say no. Crazy huh? I was quick to be angry with God, as if I knew his heart, but wouldnt hear it. Sometimes we’d rather be mad, than wait.

Proverbs 22:2-8

2 God delights in concealing things;
scientists delight in discovering things.

3 Like the horizons for breadth and the ocean for depth,
the understanding of a good leader is broad and deep.

4-5 Remove impurities from the silver
and the silversmith can craft a fine chalice;
Remove the wicked from leadership
and authority will be credible and God-honoring.

6-7 Don’t work yourself into the spotlight;
don’t push your way into the place of prominence.
It’s better to be promoted to a place of honor
than face humiliation by being demoted.

8 Don’t jump to conclusions—there may be
a perfectly good explanation for what you just saw.