~ Keep being Driven, Keep Moving Forward ~

So here’s my story and I’m sticking to it….

Sand doesn’t absorb jack! I’ve come to know that intimately over the last 2 years. Year 1 – I was living boldly with false ignorance. Year 2 – I was learning to grieve, being OK with being broken and wounded, even being angry as I asked why and heard nothing. I’ve trying to figure out how to do this post without it reading like a testimony written to a pastor, which it probably will end up being sent to. So here goes…..

Sand Doesn’t Absorb Anything, But You, Me, and anything that is built upon it.

The God’s honest truth is I’ve been avoiding the this post for the past week. I’ve been trying to figure out how to explain to my peers, friends, family, and some of the many pastors in my life, how I could dare to refuse God – His well deserved praised. Well folks, I figured it out, my foundation was built on sand rather than Him, and when the sand shifted so did I.  See God never changes, He is always good, its everything else that changes. If my life is built upon things that are subject to change my perspective, emotions, and mental stability will also be subject to change.

In the past 2 years I’ve experienced a lot of  storms, and unfortunately during those storms I was living my life with my house, my home, my Christianity, built on a sand. Rather than Him – God being my home and my foundation, my foundation was the ministry I worked for, my foundation was the christian friends I was surrounded with. So when storms came, and my ministry was no longer mine and my christian friends were no longer around, I sunk, and everything about me crumbled. When I was offended and hurt deeply in music ministry, because my foundation was always built on music – and not on God, my musical leadership and not God, when the storm bringing in debris of offense and hurt came near and blew on me,  I crumbled and walked away.

I walked away from the prophesies spoken over me since I was a kid. I walked away from the very thing I knew I was meant to do, the very thing I was created to do. I walked away from God, demoting Him from a beautifully intimate relationship, to a casual acquaintance. I didn’t tell Him much, spend time with Him much.  Because my life was built upon the shifting sands of ministry, relationships, friendships, and not God – I crumbled. I crumbled so badly I walked in a spirit of depression for over a year, and reached the point of suffocation. To the point where I couldn’t write anymore, sing anymore, play piano or guitar anymore. I got to a point where I couldn’t stand church, I couldn’t stand most ministers of the gospel, I was defeated and ok with that.

I was sandtrapped.

So here’s where I am now: I’m learning to build a solid foundation.

I am learning how to truly put God, not ministry, first in my life. God and ministry is not synonymous with each other. I can’t love ministry and ministry only – and call it loving God, and vice versa.  Balance – We like to act like that’s a cuss word sometimes. Getting deeply offended when we’re approached with that question of  ‘ Where’s your balance?’, but its a valid question, are you balanced in loving God first and then man. Meeting God’s needs (requirements)  first and the those around you. Building a solid foundation with your pastors and church. God gave us a body for a reason, it holds the head up. In the same manner, he’s given us all the body of Christ to hold each and everyone of our heads up. Use it.

So I’m digging out now, and starting over. Won’t you join?

Maybe your still trying to figure out if your sandtrapped, let me help you.

You might be sandtrapped if:

1. You feel lost and without purpose when those close to you don’t call or answer your text.

2. Your leadership at work or church changes and your ready to leave.

3. If every time something happens you pack up to leave or threaten it.

Those are things I’m guilty of…..

^24-25“These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on. If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock. Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit—but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock.

^26-27“But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don’t work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards.”